As Told By Me Archives

Nobody tells you the difference between cloud 9 and the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is disposable, it's temporary and you know eventually you have to get back to reality. Cloud 9 is like the worst drug on the street and you're either emotionally stuck up there (like a studio 54 go-go dancer), or when you do try to climb down, you don't float off of it gracefully,  you crash hard and in most cases, it's the guy who instantly fears for his own life. Remember, men are hunters and if their pride is compromised by lack of competence in a situation, he may soon feel as if any minute now Kathy Bates is going to come in with a sledgehammer. The last thing you want is for him to think you brainwashed him for six months.  He soon realizes his future is too valuable thinking to himself, "if this is what happens when you fall in love I want no part of it." He's not mature enough to restrategize and find a better approach. (in some cases, but do...

So this guy you really like, only after a few dates gives you the "I've been thinking" speech. Whether it was the tiniest blunder on your part or something in his world that clashes with yours, he's quick to pull the plug. Since women typically like to use romantic comedies and fiction novels as a reference to their personal lives it's in my best interest to tell you that the men in those movies don't always "think" like men in real life. Generally in a movie when a guy needs some time to think he is automatically ready to pull the plug until minutes before the credits he realizes the bigger picture and they live happily ever after (or at least that's what we always assume). The truth is, when a man uses the phrase "I've been thinking.." nothing good ever really comes after that. Why? When a man (boy, guy or however you want to call him) says they have been thinking it really means "I have confirmed something I have alr...

Ever wonder why when you finally hear from your ex, it's during the holidays?  Well there is a perfectly reasonable explanation to this madness... After a breakup, you may go through a period where all communication is officially closed. You can't exactly pick up the phone and contact them the way you used to and you spend months hoping they finally say the things they should have said soon after the break- up. Why is that when we finally stop holding on to a beacon of hope for them to call or take us back that they finally contact us?  Why is it that this seems to only occur during a holidays or special occasion?  Reason #1 - Loneliness It's the holidays for crying out loud. This usually  involves family, friends, and that special someone. A lot of men tend to put love on the back burner to focus on everything else. However, at some point they hit a day or two where work just isn't enough. They holidays always display that cliche image of curli...

For some people, dating doesn't always end at the time they'd like to. Many of us don't meet that special someone until their late 20's 30's or even 40's. While one may not get it right every time, they're still taking the necessary steps to figure out what they want as well as avoiding the possibility of settling for someone out of emotional exhaustion. You, probably consider yourself to be a smart person, you're independent, responsible, you don't see the world as black and white and you're always willing to go that extra mile. Not only have you had many experiences in dating, you most likely feel like you have dated every type of guy their is. That's when you  meet "him" you're real life George Clooney, Mr.Big and guy you love in all of those Polo commercials. He's suave distinguished and seems like he has it all together. Metting him has allowed you to come to the place in your life where you've grown ti...

  For some people, dating and relationships come pretty easy. For others, it takes a while to get the hang of things. For me, that was the exact curveball life threw me five years ago. If I could talk to the previous me in 2008 today also known as, "the last year of bliss before it all seemed to go down hill", there would be so many things i'd warn myself. Especially since I saw life like a Nicholas Sparks Novel. Luckily, instead of developing insanity for half a decade I eventually discovered all of the "hidden" things i already knew about guys. The REAL Truth... Keep it simple: ( most ) men are simple as in they don't analyze everything the way women do Never cut the chase short by showing too much interest, for he will show less ( Men are hunters, which means you need him to like you a little more than you like him) Never assume that every guy is the exception to the rule Every man loves a woman who c...

I started dating when I was 18 and out of those 5 years, i've had some pretty hard breakups. Most were easier to get over, taking only a couple days or a month to let go, none of them compared to this one. My days were spent consuming myself of the memory of him, replaying the break up over and over in my head, trying to understand why he was more interested in someone he barely knew when I offered him everything I could for him. I think I listened to every sad song from Adele to Carly Simon, watched every romantic movie, and used so many tissues, kleenex had to put a shipment on back order. You can't really prepare yourself for a situation that almost puts you out of control. You may have been through similar situations in the past, but when the will to overcome is so strong and clarity seems so far away it may feel impossible. I had an extremely hard time letting go of something that wasn't finished and meant a lot to me, more because it didn't end peacefull...

Quiz: Answer Yes, or No to the following questions 1. Do you consider yourself to be a very caring person? 2.Are you always there for your friends and family putting them first before yourself? 3.Do people usually come to you for advice or to reconcile whether they know you that well or not? 4. Do you feel you're always giving in all of your relationships and not really receiving the same in return? 5..Are you optimistic about dating people who have many differences? 6. Do you ever find yourself looking for comfort or compassion in people you get close to? If you answered yes to three or more of these questions you may have a strong habit of falling for victimized men. Hero Syndrome, Messiah complex, no matter what you call it. Feeling the need to rescue someone because they are selling you this hum drum story of their life can be one of the most unhealthy habits when dating. It is always paramount to be there for your significant other when they face a h...

It happens all the time, which is why so many chick flicks and vh1 reality shows are built around it. Your once boyfriend is now head over heels for another girl, and your first instinct is to claw her eyes out. When do we reach the point of harmless jealous to total insanity? He Dumped You: In many cases, breakups come completely out of nowhere which hurt the most when you assumed things were fine. Whether it was immediately or after some time has passed he's moved on and you're killing yourself trying to understand why her and not you! If you only dated for a month or for as long as 3 years, this situation can take some time to get over. You Dumped Him For whatever reason, you felt it was time to go your separate ways until the day you find how much of a different person he seems with the new girl in his life causing you to rethink the mistake you made. Ex Meets Next Either you're at a party,random run in at the supermarket, or your bas...

When a relationship is new, for those first few months everything feels like you’re on some kind of love trip. You can’t go a day without being away from them, you’re always thinking about your future with that person, and you use any chance you can get to talk about them, even if it’s not relevant to the conversation. However, when those tingles fade and the butterflies slowly drift there is no doubt that you are now evolving out of the “honeymoon phase”. Early signs 1. Calls/texts less messing up usual routine 2. Gives one word answers 3. Becomes busier = spending less time together 4. Hot one day Cold the next 5. Refrains from saying I love you often 6. Isn’t as “cute” or “romantic” anymore Sometimes new couples will relate to some of these signs while others are checking yes to all of them. If things are slightly out of routine, most likely the relationship is not doomed, but if it feels like he woke up one day and had a full brain aneurysm, then things pr...

Have you ever heard of the expression" I was never in love with them but I loved the "idea" of them"? When it came to dating, and getting taken advantage of over and over again I realized I was always just the "idea" they were in love with. This has allowed me to understand that the typical guy (not all) play by the 80/20 rule. Hopefully when you sit down to think of yourself, most likely you will consider that you are a pretty cool chick. Your patient, your not too clingy, you're not afraid to try new things or get a little messy, your honest,reliable, faithful, and maybe a little flirty now and then. That's when you meet a guy who is just amazed of how rare you are. No matter what they say every guy needs a good girl whether they want to admit it or not. After a few dates he seems to be pretty sure that your definitely someone to keep around. That's until the texts are like pulling teeth to for him to reply, he is always busy and lit...