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The (Not So) Established Gentleman

For some people, dating doesn't always end at the time they'd like to. Many of us don't meet that special someone until their late 20's 30's or even 40's. While one may not get it right every time, they're still taking the necessary steps to figure out what they want as well as avoiding the possibility of settling for someone out of emotional exhaustion. You, probably consider yourself to be a smart person, you're independent, responsible, you don't see the world as black and white and you're always willing to go that extra mile.
Not only have you had many experiences in dating, you most likely feel like you have dated every type of guy their is. That's when you  meet "him" you're real life George Clooney, Mr.Big and guy you love in all of those Polo commercials. He's suave distinguished and seems like he has it all together. Metting him has allowed you to come to the place in your life where you've grown tired of chasing little boys and are ready to be with a M.A.N!

  1. Older (10-20 years)
  2. His profession would be considered "White Collar"
  3. Knows a lot of (important) people
  4. Possibly from a well known  and/or wealthy family
  5. Has never been married nor does he have children
  6. He owns more than one passport or vacations back to back
  7. His home reeks bachelor, but still has a posh like appeal
  8. Want an invite to the hottest party? He'll most likely get you in
  9. You feel like Julia Roberts when out to dinner with him
  10. Woman flock to him
Will he posses all of these attributes? Not always, but for him to be "established" he should relate to at least 5.

  1. Mature
  2. Knows what he wants (No Games)
  3. Stable income = Good provider
  4. Little Baggage
  5. Cinderella Lifestyle
  6. You feel as if you're hot enough to fit into his world, but caring enough to keep him grounded
Since this is my blog it's important I volunteer myself by sharing a time in my life where I have been with the supposed established gentleman. In some cases dating a guy like this could turn out great but with anything risky, it's important to not feel you're the exception to the rule.

My Story:

I've always been open to older men, but never in a million years did I think I would date someone 20 years my senior. However, I will say being in this situation will forever prevent me from judging anyone over something as taboo as this one. Do I recommend something so risky? Absolutely not, but I don't frown upon it either. For a while it was great, he spent a few months courting me which most guys my age would most likely think means taking me to a Knicks game. He included me into his lifestyle and more and more it was easy to tell he so desperately wanted to be an "us".

Unfortunately, this fairytale did not end the way I would have liked it to. It was vital that I understood that since he is a bachelor and has been one for quite some time, he is already in that mode of independence which meant anything remotely domestic wasn't always going to transition smoothly. While age was not an issue to him it still became a problem with certain things in my lifestyle.

Though they were only temporary (i.e school, living at home) it soon had an affect on his. This turned into him altering the true perception of my life. In his eyes I was far away from being an adult when in reality that was not the case at all. Though I may not have as much experience I'm not codependent nor oblvious either.

In his defense, I had to imagine being 40 and single. I've never been married nor have I ever taken care of someone. It's no wonder his optimism to be an "us against the world" kind of person faded. It was hard to see him go up and down so much. It was obvious to tell his fear over powered his true feelings. One minute he was relieved to have finally met someone that didn't want him for his money or connections, but actually cared when another minute logic overwhelmed him which causing a total shut down emotionally. Regardless of his misfortune for true love, I had to help but wonder if it were him that kept himself from being committed to someone or was he really a victim in all of this?

Nevertheless, that wasn't my job to figure out. Many men in this situation build up a wall of protection. They are in a daily battle between emotion and logic where most of the time logic will  always win.

"Another One Bites the Dust"

If you find yourself in a situation where on paper you've struck gold, but emotionally you're struggling to get him to commit to you, like all of the rest you've dated, just back off! No man especially an established one wants to be told they need to change something about themselves in order to get a positive result. Remember the old scenario of the husband and wife that get lost while driving? She suggest he stop for directions while he feels he can figure it out on his own until two hours later he stops at a gas station to ask where Cooper Street is.

Men have to be men and they have to make most of their decisions independently. The more you cry, nag, and bargain with him the less he'll feel compelled to see things through your eyes thus leading to more games.

The best thing for you to do is walk away. At this point he needs to make a choice. "Do I want to spend the rest of my life as a bachelor?" or "Do I want to take the next step in my life and share it with a great woman?" Don't sacrifice the things you believe in just because he can provide for you or show you a good time. It's your life don't make his life yours when he isn't contributing to the relationship emotionally.


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