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Why Married Men Flirt



Let me just cut to the chase and say married men who flirt are NOT monsters. However there is a thin line between harmless flirting and crossing a major line of respect for your significant other. Lets start from the root of the issue of why men flirt. Men are known to be more sexual than woman. Studies have shown that 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day. vs 67% of woman who think about sex a few times a month. (The Social Organization of Sexuality: Edward O. Laumann, John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael, and Stuart Michaels). Even though men think about sex and are thinking about it alot doesn't mean that all men, especially all married men act on each impulse they have. If that were the case every lawyer in America would be booked up until summer 2015.


We all know that come that big day of when a man and woman say their vows in front of God and everybody they are making a promise to each other. However, just because one is devoted to a particular person for the rest of their lives does not mean that every other person of the opposite sex automatically becomes unattractive. Believe it or not, but it is possible for a man or woman to connect with someone other than their spouse. It's just remembering that regardless of how well these two get a long is it worth crossing that line? It's important to understand that men who flirt are not cheaters, but if irresponsible of their actions one could find their selves in a risky situation. There are two types of flirting when it comes to married men and men in relationships. 

Harmless Flirting

This usually consist of friendly banter at the gym, or complimenting the waitress when out with the guys none consisting of sexual innuendo or physical contact.

Deceptive Flirting

This type of flirting becomes somewhat of an addiction which could lead to him acting on his impulses it can start off as harmless flirting leading to an "accidental" brush of the hand to "accidentally" bumping into each other in public.

Why they do it

Men (and woman) flirt for two reasons. Some are just naturally flirtatious, but know there is a line that should never be crossed, while others want reassurance that they are still desirable to woman. This can help boost his ego thus allowing him to never doubt his choice to be married to one person. Men who are deceptive flirts can't differentiate between what's appropriate and what is not, or at least they choose to believe they have the whole thing under control. Once they get attached to the attention woman give them it becomes harder to not act on their impulses. Eventually this creates a harder time to see the bigger picture. There are also men who cross that line because they are no longer happy in the marriage they are in which he now wants you to be involved in his escape from reality. Keep in mind that there are honest men who usually are good at keeping things "PG" but now have to deal with daily temptation, it may be coworker or neighbor that they have to see daily.

When it becomes a problem 

One of the most annoying problems to this scenario are for singles. You might find yourself crushing over someone you can never be with. They get to go home to their wife while you're stuck with aspirations that will never come true. It's hard enough for men and woman to just be friends don't put yourself in a situation that you can't handle because of how you feel about this person. The best thing to do is distance yourself or to just be honest with the other person (especially if it's a matter of you feeling uncomfortable about their behavior). You can't help that you're single and have feelings, but since you can't do anything about them toning down the subliminal "heat" between the two of you might be the best choice in order to get over your crush. The last thing you want is a pissed off wife telling you to back up off her husband.

So the next time that married guy winks at you or flashes you that charming smile of his, don't over think it. Enjoy the flattery that he may try to put out to your attention that if he were single he would definitely ask you out, but If he's not acting on that flatterly by actually asking you out to dinner or hinting that the Mrs. will be out of town this weekend, he's just being human.




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Comments

  1. This sucks. Men that do this hurt women and lead them on.

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    1. Very true. My husband swore he didn't like the girl upstairs yet while I was sleeping he was outside trying f to hook up with her. Since then he finds ways to look at her . After 15 years of marriage and fi e kids it hurts me.

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  2. Yes, this is sick. I have to face this type of man daily at my workplace. :(

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  3. I'm 23. An older man I had started talking to had told me he was divorced, he would continuously flirt with me and tell me how much he wanted to be with me, this went on for months, all the while knowing that he was still married. I found out through facebook that he was still married and had kids with this woman. I was completely shocked and devastated when I found out, but who I really felt bad for was her and thought about how hurt she would be if she ever was to find out knowing she's with someone that not only flirts but tells other women that he wants to be with them. I myself have thought about telling her figuring if it was me I would want to know but then I feel it's really not my place to say anything. But bottom line is yes married men who do this are just awful in my opinion.

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    1. You are right in your thinking. This happened to me.

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  4. I read this, mainly looking for closure. One component of deceptive flirting would be, I think, not actually mentioning a wife. If you are not wearing a wedding band and the wife is never mentioned, you are unfairly leading a woman to believe you are available. If you start doing sweet things, acting super nervous and/or excited, exhibiting jealousy, etc, where does that leave the poor woman in the end when she finds out that you were married? It's not right at all. Even if it is for the sake of an ego boost, you are playing with someone's heart and betraying your family. Even if it doesn't lead to a physical affair, you've still managed to pull at someone's heart and then you've left her blindsided and confused. Your wife wouldn't like it if she knew. The woman you toyed with doesn't like it. It's just selfish. Maybe it is an easy thing to fall into but when you deliberately choose to do things while never mentioning a wife, it is cruel, no matter how nice or innocent you may see yourself to be.

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    1. This happened to a friend of mine. The man acted like he was so in love with her, gets flustered when she talks to him, get jealous when other guys gather around her and is always around her. She didn't mind the stalkerish behavior because she became attracted to his good looks and physique. He did her favors, gave her loving, lingering looks even among a crowd of people, worried if she's sick but never asked her out. I told her he must be married if he has not asked her out by now because she was showing interest also to make it easier for him. He also didn't wear a wedding band and never mentioned a wife and 2 kids. He knew my friend was way out of his league but he was so attracted to her good looks and personality. The man should have kept his feelings to himself because he toyed with my friend's feelings. The wife came to the office one day late in the afternoon and that's how my friend came to know that he's married. He was so embarrassed to get caught but to this day, my friend told me that he's still looking at her, follows her around etc. If a guy who seems interested in you but has not asked you out after a month, he's holding back for a very good reason. He is obviously married or in a committed relationship.

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    2. I'd just had surgery and was on a flight with my husband.he would not give trash to the other stewardess instead he waited for the flirt to come by. He and a stewardess instantly gave some interest in each other flirting and before the end of the flight they winked at eachother. I watched incredibly

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    3. I'd just had surgery and was on a flight with my husband.he would not give trash to the other stewardess instead he waited for the flirt to come by. He and a stewardess instantly gave some interest in each other flirting and before the end of the flight they winked at eachother. I watched incredibly

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  5. My husband is now a serial, deceptive flirt. Prior to this behavior he had several "flings" with women as well. After filing for divorce he promised he'd go to counseling, wear a wedding band, go to church, blah blah blah. He ultimately cried and begged me to not proceed with the divorce. So, now, instead, he finds vulnerable (mostly) younger girls and entices them with lunches in "out of the way" spots, lunches with deep mahogany booths and equestrian paintings, etc. You get the picture. He creates a seductive setting and btw also tells them how beautiful they are. So, via his email account, I've caught him in four of these "harmless" secret meetings, and also discovered that some were after hours at his office for a "happy hour". He continues to say he's done nothing wrong! That these girls mean nothing and they're just harmless little get togethers. And one of the upcoming get togethers was going to be at one of their houses! Really - how convenient to just stroll down the hallway to a - bedroom? He will not and cannot change on his own, so I'm helping him once again by serving him divorce papers. Can't say what his problem is - I think it's an ego thing, but obviously he disrespects me and our marriage completely by doing this. And these stupid girls, who know he's married, don't seem to care or think it's out of line. What has happened to people's moral compasses? One girl said (via her husband who I called) she has to have these meetings for business. Right. You can send them to a business ethics course but you really cannot fix stupid. Wish me luck this time.

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    1. I agree with you. There is no respect. It is very ungentlemanly of a man who does not know his limits and flirts without the slightest prick on his conscience. You must leave him. Do file for a divorce as he is a man without essence. There is no strength in his personality or character. I hope you find a loving and trustworthy partner for life. More than good luck, all the very best! Hold you head high, do not bog down again!

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  6. My husband of only 10 months is severely addicted to flirting. He spends all his free time lounging on the sofa and bed, smiling down at his phone, engrossed in middle school style flirting with women in Facebook groups. It's become such a problem that he won't even take time off from it to spend an hour with me in an intire week. When I try to talk to him about this huge problem, he blows up, tells me my jealousy is unattractive, and wants me to back off or he'll leave me. Even though we haven't reached our first anniversary, I'm seriously considering divorce

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    1. You need to divorce him long long time ago ....

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  7. The guy I have do my tattoos has been flirting with me big time and even admitted to wanting to have sex with me thing is he's married and I'm one of those women who don't sleep with married men that and I have a boyfriend so I don't cheat either

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  8. My husband is the same way. Hr has never met any of these woman,but he keeps flirting witg them and tells me he loves me but sends pictures back and forth and he loves them, but when I confront him about it he denies it. I've had enough and don't know what to do.

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    1. You can either continue to have him disrespect you and shatter your self esteem or you can pick up yourself and divorce him. It all comes down to how much you love yourself and how much you think you're worth.

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    2. I moved to an expat community aboard a couple of years ago. Didnt know anybody and then after awhile it started to feel like home. As I was out and about this random guy would start smiling at me. Never seem him before. Each time I would go out I would bump into him and he would look at me and smile. So, I smiled back and thought he was very nice. This went on for a good few months. On a Saturday I would go the pool and he would be there. He would sit a distance from me and just keep looking at me. So, every time I would bump into him I started to say hi and then eventually I found out his name. He was So hot! So, after awhile , I give him my number but he never called. Then the flirting just stopped. Realised, after that he was married with 2 kids. I don't understand why married men flirt in the first place. I really liked him ! Why flirt with someone for that length of time when you are clearly married?

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