Nobody tells you the difference between cloud 9 and the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is disposable, it's temporary and you know eventually you have to get back to reality. Cloud 9 is like the worst drug on the street and you're either emotionally stuck up there (like a studio 54 go-go dancer), or when you do try to climb down, you don't float off of it gracefully, you crash hard and in most cases, it's the guy who instantly fears for his own life.
Remember, men are hunters and if their pride is compromised by lack of competence in a situation, he may soon feel as if any minute now Kathy Bates is going to come in with a sledgehammer. The last thing you want is for him to think you brainwashed him for six months.
He soon realizes his future is too valuable thinking to himself, "if this is what happens when you fall in love I want no part of it." He's not mature enough to restrategize and find a better approach. (in some cases, but don't assume you're going to be the exception to the rule)
It took me over 6 years to figure that out. Like I've said in past blogs I was a hopeless romantic in love with the idea of love blah blah blah (an addiction I wish for no one)
I went through the same cycle over and over and over again. Eventually, I hit a wall and pretty much the universe said "okay, you have officially reached your maximum amount of men. You have one left, but if you don't learn from this pattern you're repeating, you will either end up stuck in a loveless marriage, an abusive relationship, or become a single mother trying to get back out there while also protecting your child from emotional resentment.
I took door # 4 and stayed single for over a year until I learned the lesson I was supposed to figure out for 6 years. When I finally did, I was granted my now husband.
For the first time, I was able to go through each phase of a relationship naturally with both feet planted on the ground. It also helps when the other person is just as grounded. My husband and I are gamers and in every video game, instead of rushing through each portion he would make sure we combed through each level looking for as many clues as possible. Not only did it extend the amount of gameplay, we discovered things we would have never found if we hadn't taken our time.
That's basically how we handled our entire relationship.
That's basically how we handled our entire relationship.
The people close to me also noticed this new change. They saw I had a sense of peace, a glow and I sounded more assertive than naive. They were finally rooting for me than humoring me. Basically for years instead of speaking up they were enabling these relationships because they either didn't know any better or were too afraid to really say anything because they didn't want to be responsible for breaking my heart.
In order for me to successfully be in a relationship, It was important that I didn't lose my sense of independence. To not put aspirations on the back burner or cancel them out completely. I had to prove I learned the lessons I was handed so many times. If I can't live my own life and love myself, I have no business being there for somebody else. I needed to make sure I had my own voice. That my boyfriend wasn't as an excuse to take on the burden of things I was too afraid to do alone or to solely use him as a vessel for a fantasy I had created.
What happens with a lot of us and I have been guilty of this too, is that we get so unbelievably excited about the potential of a new relationship we become curious of what the end result might be. Especially, if it has everything your last relationship lacked.
In order for me to successfully be in a relationship, It was important that I didn't lose my sense of independence. To not put aspirations on the back burner or cancel them out completely. I had to prove I learned the lessons I was handed so many times. If I can't live my own life and love myself, I have no business being there for somebody else. I needed to make sure I had my own voice. That my boyfriend wasn't as an excuse to take on the burden of things I was too afraid to do alone or to solely use him as a vessel for a fantasy I had created.
What happens with a lot of us and I have been guilty of this too, is that we get so unbelievably excited about the potential of a new relationship we become curious of what the end result might be. Especially, if it has everything your last relationship lacked.
We think we can fast forward to the future just to get a small peek of happily ever after. Make a couple vision boards and get the hell outta there. We also convince ourselves that we can quickly get back to reality with out them even noticing. It didn't work for Marty McFly and it's not going to work for you.
What almost always happens is you keep going back and forth to the point where you're in a whole other dimension having a relationship with the future and now the other person who you left behind in the present is wondering where you are.
Basically, the moment you become curious about the future the more you risk rushing the present. They may not notice right away, but eventually, things will begin to move so quick all control is lost.
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