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So You've Fallen Off Cloud Nine.....

When a relationship is new, for those first few months everything feels like you’re on some kind of love trip. You can’t go a day without being away from them, you’re always thinking about your future with that person, and you use any chance you can get to talk about them, even if it’s not relevant to the conversation. However, when those tingles fade and the butterflies slowly drift there is no doubt that you are now evolving out of the “honeymoon phase”.

Early signs

1. Calls/texts less messing up usual routine

2. Gives one word answers

3. Becomes busier = spending less time together

4. Hot one day Cold the next

5. Refrains from saying I love you often

6. Isn’t as “cute” or “romantic” anymore

Sometimes new couples will relate to some of these signs while others are checking yes to all of them. If things are slightly out of routine, most likely the relationship is not doomed, but if it feels like he woke up one day and had a full brain aneurysm, then things probably were set to be doomed anyway.

Why This Happens

1. He loves the “idea” of you

2. Compensation

3. Safety Blanket

4. Harbored Feelings

5. Commitment issues

Loves the “idea” of you

He basically knows you’re perfect for him, but when reality started to kick in he soon realized he is not quite sure if a relationship is something he needs right now. If he just got out of relationship that was for over a year he may have had some temporary relief once he met you but still needs some time to figure out if he wants to endure another relationship so soon.

Used you to compensate neglected feelings in an old relationship

This is almost like him loving the idea of you, but already knew this would be temporary. His goal was just to compensate the lack of attention and love he was getting with his last girlfriend who he may also still be currently involved with, but are having issues at the moment. Once he feels somewhat “nourished”, he’s ready to move on.

Saw you as a safety blanket

Was it a coincidence that the two of you united during a stressful time in his life or did he see you as the perfect solution for consoling his vulnerability? There is nothing wrong with pulling someone out of a rough patch, but it’s also important to make sure they see you for you and not a source of codependence. Getting into a relationship with someone who probably doesn’t need to be in a relationship due to current strain in their life, shows they aren’t strong enough to deal with these problems on their own and need someone there to help pull them from their dark cloud. However, once a little sunshine starts to form he may decide he no longer needs your compassion.

Still has feelings for an ex

Unfortunately, one can find themselves caught in this situation. Guy meets girl, guy falls in love with girl, guy doesn’t tell girl he still loves his ex who has been ignoring him for quite some time until one day he decides to work things out with her or she contacts him, now all of a sudden you’re suddenly on the back burner. I can’t stress this enough to say it is important to always find out how long ago the guy you’re recently dating was in a relationship, why it ended, are they still in contact, and why he thinks he is ready to try again. This is to protect YOU! Its easy to get caught up in the many traits that he seems to have on your perfect boyfriend list, but Mr. Perfect could also have some not so perfect qualities.

Afraid of Commitment

This is the most common reason things go south during the beginning of a relationship. If most of his friends are single he could feel left out of the bachelor life and regret his decision to be in a serious relationship, He may also feel that if things are moving to other levels so quickly now, he will no longer be able to have the life he used to have when he was single. Basically while you’re dreaming up your ideal wedding which you probably estimated it to be about 3-5 years away, he is thinking the day he says “I Do” is right around the corner.

For the most part, he did enjoy the amazing bit of time you had together, but then starts to question himself. Why are things moving so fast? Is she always going to be this clingy? Why is my Facebook wall covered with posts from her? This begins the feeling of walls closing in on him. The things that used to be cute aren’t cute anymore, but more or less repetitive.  For anyone who hasn’t been in a long term relationship it can be hard to transition out of the chase. Once you stop trying to impress that person and perceive to be completely comfortable, things begin to feel dry and no longer exciting.
Why this happens..
Deep down you knew this was going to happen, but wish it wouldn't. Your friends couldn’t be more relieved to finally see you come back down to earth even though you wouldn’t mind staying up there just a little while longer. To be completely wrapped up in someone can be a beautiful thing, but it can also blind us from the gravity of any situation. If this is your first serious relationship, this can be a difficult time for you to adjust. For most new couples, it is a natural reaction to feel that the relationship is rapidly going downhill, but it is important to accept the fact that this is where the real relationship begins. The quickest way for a relationship to fail is when you obtain that instant fear of him losing interest. His replies lag when texting, he doesn’t comment on your facebook posts, you feels like you’re bugging him. Take a minute, breath and don’t overreact.

He may have come to the place where he is now out of the honey moon phase and is moving onto the next level of the relationship, which to you seems like the last. No matter how bad we want it to be relationships aren’t rainbows and gumdrops 24/7. This doesn’t mean it will never be that way anymore, it just means every now and then the both of you will take a break from it to focus on the relationship rather than the fairytale of it all.

If he's too far gone, don't Panic! if you were this happy once you can be that happy again it may take a while for when it happens, or it may happen in a few weeks, but at least now you'll be able to possibly avoid this situation in the future. Now before you start making funeral arrangements on your down hilling romance, just know that even the prettiest flowers grow in the darkest areas. This too shall pass.


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