To some, dating isn't all that hard. There are the few who have met that special person early in life who they have been with for years and eventually married. There are the few who were in a committed relationship, painted the town red for a bit, and met the love of their life shortly after. Then their is you, where eventually you have grown to HATE all of these people because you're the complete opposite. You feel as if you have the worst luck and have found yourself struggling to meet anyone who wants to even be in a relationship.
I think Snooki said it best when she said and I quote “Guys … don’t know how to deal with women and I feel that’s why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.” as troublesome as this New Jersey native can be sometimes, she has a valid point.
Many Men and Women don't know how to "deal" with each other. Is it because he's a jerk? It is because she's too much? The answer is NO! (well in most cases). It's obvious that men and women are created differently. And if you're still a little confused by that just remember we're the ones with the boobs. So many books, magazines,daytime specials, and chick flicks spend a lot of time making it seem like women are the problem that they should submit to men and just play by their rules. Or at least that's how many women interpret it. Men are the way they are for a reason just like women are the way they are for a reason. If that wasn't the case then we wouldn't even exist. As much as we drive each other crazy, we need each other.
I'm gonna put myself in this situation to explain further of why i wanted to write this article. Although i am young, In the six years that I've been dating not too long ago I would depress myself as of why I haven't been in a committed relationship in almost four years. I tried playing by the "rules" and I've tried just being me and doing what I thought felt right. In the end these paths of choice got me no where. That was because I made these three mistake
- I let myself get bored too easily when single, I never allowed myself to be fully independent .
- I wanted it too badly. Being a romantic can put blinders on your judgment which caused me to not take my own advice
- I submitted to whom ever I was with at the time even when I didn't think I was
Once I accepted that these three things were my weakness when it came to dating, everything else become crystal clear. I began to look back at all the guys I dated in the past and wonder exactly why it never worked out. Although there seemed to be a lot of miscommunication, that still wasn't an excuse for every situation. Some guys (and girls) are just wrong for actions that they have done that ultimately had nothing to do with the difference between the male and female mind.
In her book "You Just Don't Understand: Author Deborah Tannen talks about the differences in communication between men and women. For example, she states that men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. One of these ways she calls "troubles talk." She says, "For women, talking about troubles is the essence of connection. I tell you my troubles, you tell me your troubles, and we're close. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution." When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off.
Once I realized this, I started to feel better of what I convinced myself was failure. I didn't fail, I had to learn all of this to get to where I am now. All lessons repeat themselves until you know how to solve it. I had to realize that it wasn't always me, and it wasn't always them. It was both of us. The actions I made expected a certain reaction in return. What seemed like a simple gesture was interpreted completely different to whom ever I was with.
I learned the best way to over come this hump was to first work on my three weaknesses, and second work on understanding how men think. Some articles and books tell you to think like a man which can cause us to interpret it as to think like a player, when we are really supposed to see their point of view in a situation and look at it through their eyes. To basically understand why they react the way they do when to us the "normal" response is how we perceive it.