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Know Who You're Dating

Think back in your mind of when you lived at home, and if you still do think back to the days of when you were dating a new guy and your mom had a million questions that you didn't know the answers to yet. "Is he married?" "What does he do for a living?" "Why is he single?” As annoying as it was, you mom knew to ask you all of these picky questions not to be a nag, but to alert you that these are the important questions that you should be asking.

How many times have you sat in your own thoughts confused of how he went from this knight in shining armor to Dr Jekel and Mr. Hyde? It's so easy to get caught up in the fantasy, and the idea of something that seems to be almost perfect, but it's more important to always know the prologue before starting the fairytale

You know the phrase "Don't put the cart before the horse" or "Don't put all your eggs into one basket"?

As old as those phrases are, they say so much that is still true today. A relationship is an investment which means like Wall Street, there isn't a 100% guarantee that it will increase into a large profit. That is why investors put only a portion in different stocks. I'm not saying go out and date a handful of guys at a time, but don't make one person you barely know your priority. The key is to keep your guard up without appearing to be totally closed off. Just remind yourself that right now you're just getting to know him. However you allowed to enjoy the ride while you're doing your research.

His Past

Eventually, you're going to have to have that uncomfortable conversation of his past relationships, especially the most recent. Don't be afraid to ask why it ended and how long ago. Also remember the most basic term. There are three sides to every story his, his ex's and the truth. We're all an ex for a reason, and if when describing his break up pay attention to how he delivers his side of the story. If he sounds hostile or annoyed as if he dated Cruella Devil or if he sounds venerable like at any minute he's going to curl up in a ball in the corner mark a red flag in your notes. Relationships end, but if he is selling you a negative image of this person he's not over it. He can be honest without winning an Oscar for his performance in fatal attraction. We all have a past, but it's your job to make sure it's no longer in his present.

If he cheated or ended the relationship on bad terms keep in mind that if he did it to her there is a big chance he'll do it to you. Repeating the same mistake and expecting different results is the definition for insanity. If he's ending these relationships on bad terms and learning absolutely nothing in the end chances are you could soon be a member of the ex girlfriend club too.

His Present and You

Pay attention to how he is around his family and friends. Is he nice to his mother?  Does he act different if his friends are around? Are they nice to you? Has it been months since you met anyone? When in public, does he show respect to the people around him? If he's not showing respect to the people in his life it's only a matter of time that he stops showing respect to you. Let's go back to 7th grade French class and see how much he uses the word "we" in a sentence. If he wants you to be a part of his future he'll make ways to include you in it. By saying things like "we should do that sometime" or including himself in something you always wanted to do says I want to be a part of your life. If only using himself when looking down the road says “I can't make a decision for what I want for dinner let alone the near future." Actions always speak louder than words so wait until he really puts the things he says into play. Anyone can sell you your fantasy but someone special will make it happen.

Be Optimistic

Even though there is a lot to take into consideration, don't think that this guy is setting you up to break your heart, just keep in mind of who you are really dating. Who is this person? If you ever seen the newlywed game think of yourself as the new bride who looks like a fool in front of millions of viewers because she didn't know her husband was allergic to peanuts. Don't get so focused on what you want to know and focus on what you really need to know.


  1. "However you allowed to enjoy the ride while you're doing your research."

    I swear, this is the best thing any girl has ever said about relationships.. This is the kind of approach every girl should take. And not just girls, but guys too. Can't just go in blind and then end up complaining somewhere down the road about something you should have known before you made it official. People just rush love and it's dumb as hell.

    I seen you on match btw. You popped up in one of my searches, and damn I can tell your mind is unique

    1. Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate the kind words. :^) Feel free to send me a direct message to my twitter account @jerseystarlet for questions or more comments


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