There comes a time in many relationships when you reach the period of whether or not it's time to move in together. Just like any new step in a relationship, it can have its' set of problems. Once a couple decides to share the same living space they are entering a whole new relationship. Not only will you see a completely different side of each other, overall you're starting from scratch. You've already mastered being a couple while apart now you have to master how to be a couple when for 75% of your time you two will be together. With what may sound like an easy target you may find yourself rethinking the relationship. In order to make this a smooth transition there are a few things to keep in mind.
The Ideal Positive vs. The Reality
1. Ideally: Sex Anytime/ Anywhere!
Reality: No Longer the Forth of July
Reason: Generally most people will think that once you move in with your significant other you'll have more time to explore every sexual desire that the two of you have been deprived of when living separate However , the reality is that your sex life is most likely to change. For one, you'll have less of the anticipation to be with them since you will now see them every day. Also at some point you'll find yourself trying to find new ways to keep things exciting to the point where you've used Cosmo's 50 sex tips about 50 times. This doesn't mean your sex life will get worse, it just won't be the same as it was when you weren't living together. It's now both you and your sweetie's job to keep the excitement going.
2. Ideally: Financial Stability
Reality: Who gets the TV?/ Save, Save, Save!!
Reason: Of course when you're living with anyone whether it be a roommate, relative, or boyfriend, you're
going to save a lot more money then covering all of your expenses alone. However, It's important to talk about the elephant in the room which refers to the "what if we break up" factor. If you're still on cloud 9 or 120% sure the two of you are in it for the long haul still consider the possibility, even couples that have been together for years break up. This is a situation that can end easy or become legal. If you both have moved or are moving into a place where both names are on the lease or mortgage, it might be a good idea to look into a cohabitation agreement though this will not guarantee your legal rights, but it may help you in the event a simple separation isn't possible. If something should ever happen it is always important to save. This is prominent if the house our apartment is in his name only causing you to move out. Always have a plan B.
3. Ideally: "Holly Housewife"
Reality: Common Law Courtship
Reason: Many girls get that satisfaction from living together because they feel they can take care of their man. From childhood we've mimicked our mother's cooking dinner and making a house into a home. Now older, you have the opportunity of putting it into real life. A general reaction to making the step of moving in together can trigger the belief that right around the corner is marriage. However, according to a recent study couples are most likely to stay in a cohabited relationship rather than walk down the alter if they aren't already engaged to each other. Many feel that the reason for this is for the fact that there is no point to get married when the only thing missing is a ring and signed paper work. Also some regret to get married to avoid any record of divorce plus the pricely cost of paying to end the marriage if the relationship goes in that direction. Unless your significant other has made it clear that marriage is out of the question make sure you're not wasting your time and getting your hopes up.
4. Ideally: Totally In Sync
Reality: Little Pet Peeves
Reason. You know the phrase "You don't know someone until you've lived with them" well this is a phrase to definitely keep in mind. Not only will living together bring you two closer, it will also show a side that you may or may not like. To how they leave the toilet seat up all the time to the way they do the laundry. My best friend who is male and I have been friends for over eight years, and it took one four day trip to vegas to see that we could never be roomates, however we made the best of the trip without killing each other. In order to keep things civil, you're going to have to find a way to weigh out the good with the bad. If this is the first time the both of you are living alone this may be even more challenging for you don't know how to live by yourself, let alone with another person. Make sure to find a common ground before you two are head to head in a boxing match.
5. Ideally: The Joy of waking up together
Reality: "I Need Some Space"
Reason: This goes without saying eventually the both of you are going to have moments where you feel crowded. Remember, now that you two are living together you don't have up the ante with attention if anything you can down play it a little.
6. Ideally: 50/50
Reason: Living Together doesn't necessarily mean that everything will be equal. says Andrew Cherlin, Ph.D., author of The Deinstitutionalization of American Marriage and Public and Private Families: An Introduction "If one of you works 50 hours a week and the other 25, there’s nothing wrong with the less busy person taking on more of the housework.”. Also, when the busier person has some down time, it would be considerate for them to contribute as well. Reduce the tension by volunteering for tasks you don't mind doing. Taking out the trash or cleaning a dish you just used is an easy task for anyone with a full schedule.
7. Ideally Piece of Cake
Reality Up Hill Climb
Reason: It is only until a couple moves in together that they see all the new challenges in store for them. Communication is always important for any relationship to be successful. Though the both of you are together even more now this doesn't mean you know everything that's going on with each other. Remember to stay up to date in each other's personal lives outside the relationship.
BONUS! "Bye Bye Mom& Dad VS. "Wait! Beds Don't Make Themselves?"
Making the step to move in with your significant other is a huge decision and it is important that you are mature enough to handle it. Living with Mom and Dad can be annoying sometimes, but if it's just because they won't let you stay out until 5am then maybe rushing to move out isn't the best idea. Soon the time to move out will come and should always be done right. Also living alone isn't as amazing as you may think it especially when you'll be responsible for everything. Never burn bridges with your relatives. Try to make the move as easy as possible when it's the right time. Never leave in anger or rebellion for it may be awkward if for any reason you have to come back home.
*If you haven't so already, it might be a good idea to take this time to do a trial run of what it would be like living together. Do a 1-2 week demo to get a feel of if this is something you can handle. If both of you are living at home look up small trips that don't cost a fortune. For example if you live by the beach save up for a small condo for a week that the two of you can split, or plan a trip to the nearest city for a few days.This won't give an accurate view of how it will be but you'll get the gist of it*